MEMORIES

Blindfolded and alone, I

awaited for my executioner in a dungeon of my own creation as I idly stood by,

frozen in a moment of time, and watched life relentlessly pass me by only to stop at

every painful, remorseful second along the way to slowly and deliberately torment me

with every tick and prick of its bloodthirsty hands.

Memories of Diana were all I had

left. My mind had been turned into a merry-go-round of flashbacks and sound bites.

It was a place where reality and fantasy had intermixed until I could no longer

recognize one from the other. I couldn’t accept the fact Diana wasn’t interested in

me anymore so I brainwashed myself into believing I still had a chance with her. I

had selfishly turned her into a damsel in distress and I her knight in shining armor

but instead of slaying a dragon to win her hand in marriage, I just needed to become

a poor man’s rich. Life without Diana seemed like a lonely life at best to me, she

was the only woman who had ever talked to me on a somewhat regular basis yet alone

been intimate with me.

I missed her.

Not only did I miss Diana terribly

but I thought about her every waking minute for months on end after she had left

me. Like the time Diana had playfully asked me to step inside a walk-in-cooler with

her to cut some lemons only to find out she used it as an excuse just to kiss me. I

had never been as flattered as when she told me she had waited all day for my kiss.

Had I known back then just how brief and fleeting our time together would be I

would’ve given her so much more than just the quick, glancing peck on the lips I

gave her. I would’ve, instead, kissed her more slowly and passionately as I had

wanted to all along without fear of being caught or seen by our fellow coworkers. I

remember her asking me, after my pathetic and uninspired kiss on her, if I was

embarrassed by her and before I could even give her an answer she asked me if I

would kiss her in public. “Yeah, of course I would,” I replied as I longingly

stared into her doe-like eyes. Not only would I do it I said, but I’d be willing to

prove it right then and there. So without the slightest hesitation in my step or a

moment’s worth of doubt, I convincingly led Diana to the beverage fountain out in

the public area of the restaurant where I was prepared to kiss her until she laughed

at me and said, “OK, Ok, I believe you.”

If only I could go back and kiss her the way I really felt about her.

I remember the time Diana snuck up

on me at work while playfully placing her soft and delicate cupped hands over my

eyes and saying, “Guess who?” I jokingly said the name of another waitress before I

excitedly turned around and looked upon a portrait that would forever be etched and

hung in the galleries of my lonely and empty heart.

If only I could look upon her again…even for just a second.

I remember the time Diana

unexpectedly reached over to kiss me as I drove us back to her hotel room. To have

been able to witness her smile and the unforgettable look upon her face as she sat

Indian style on my car seat was absolutely priceless.

If only I could see her smile again.

I remember the time a female

coworker stopped by Diana’s hotel room and commented on my appearance by

saying, “He’s cute,” and then hearing Diana respond, “Thank you.”

If only I would’ve given her more of a reason to be proud of me.

I remember the tree, just north of

the restaurant we worked at, where we shared our first public kiss under. I’ll

always be able to picture the envious and jealous stares of our male coworkers as

they stared at us in disbelief through the restaurant’s windows.

If only I could stand beneath that tree with her again.

I remember the feeling of holding

Diana’s left hand in my right hand as we playfully swung our arms in choreographed

unison towards a future I never saw coming.

If only I could hold and swing her hand again.

I remember the way she used to

sheepishly glance at me, with her beautiful hair pulled up in a ponytail, while

sweetly smiling at me in one of her beautiful and elegant sundresses.

If only I could see her ponytail playfully bounce up and down and sway side to side while glancing at me once more.

I remember all the brief but

special and intimate moments we shared as we kissed and caressed, just short of

making love to each other. She was the only woman I ever wanted to have sex with

because of love and not lust.

If only I would’ve lost my virginity to her.

From the moment Diana left me

sitting by myself up until this very moment, I’ve rarely been able to go more than

an hour yet alone a day without thinking about her. All of this and more for a

woman I never even knew.

If only I…ah, screw this…if only I would’ve had half a brain and

realized how pathetic I was maybe I would’ve stopped pining for a woman who didn’t

give a shit about me.